I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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