So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
