Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(309): View more from Illinois

nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol

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(206): View more from Washington

Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it

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(614): View more from Ohio

worst night to have a conscience

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(604): View more from British Columbia

The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am

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(713): View more from Texas

this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy

(1-713): View more from Texas

well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"

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(540): View more from Virginia

Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations

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(860): View more from Connecticut

A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?

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