I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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