I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize