I have demons in me.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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