I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
