there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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