I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
