She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
