At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
