We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
