Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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