He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
