I'm really into asian looking animals
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
