Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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