i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
