Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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