Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
