I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
