Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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