he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
