so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
