What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
