there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
