The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
