we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize