when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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