it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
