What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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