How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
