I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
