I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
