She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
