it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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