when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You're completely useless in the revolution.
...so i touched it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
