Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize