They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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