Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
