i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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