Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think my fart just growled at me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
