I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
