Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
