Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
