Do you still have your period?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
