The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
