i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She is in my trunk
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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