need another drink. this is the easiest way
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
