Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
