There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
