she woke up with a sticky ear
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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