I think I just saw someone hide a body.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
