are you still at the devil's house?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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