As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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