I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
