I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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