He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
