The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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