Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize