Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
