White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
