My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
