when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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