Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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