yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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