o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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