Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Send help, water and tortillas.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
