Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
