i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
