Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My penis needs a shock collar
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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