Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
