I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
