I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize