Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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