please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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