Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
