I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
