my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
