I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
