Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
