Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
