Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
