I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
