Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
