i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
