I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
