Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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