i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
