I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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