I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
sarcasm needs its own font
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
