Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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