I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize