So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
