you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
