I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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