I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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