I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
