Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
