dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
