im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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