sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
