So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
