I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
