What a fucking waste of an outfit
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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