Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
