I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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