I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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