just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
