i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
