I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
