I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i think i have two assholes
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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