Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
