I just cut my nipple shaving
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
