You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
